We all need a little help from time to time.
No matter how high a person rises in life, everyone needs a little help from time to time.
There's 2 ways to use this information.
First, don't be hard on yourself when you need help. Realize that it's okay to ask for help when you need it.
Also, if you want to get the attention of someone you admire, find a way you can help them.
It may be as simple as giving them a sympathetic ear while they vent about their frustrations.
Or it could be that your unique perspective helps them see an aspect of a situation they may have missed.
When you come to someone's aid, you add to the bank of "good karma" that will eventually come back to you multiplied.
Affirm: We all need a little help from time to time.
People do things for their own reasons.
One of the most effective ways to approach the task of persuading another person is to realize that they simply do not care a bit about what YOU want.
They only care about what THEY want.
If you want someone to do something, then you must show them how doing it will give them more of what they want.
And if you don't know what they want, take a few minutes and ask them. Most folks are all too eager for someone to listen to them, and will happily reveal the "hot buttons" you can push to get what you want from them.
Affirm: I can get what I want by helping others get what they want.
Do you know what the most important skill anyone needs to have in order to be a fully functioning human being?
It's not the old "reading, riting, and 'rithmetic" most of us were taught in school. It's not even how to operate a computer, or any of the thousands of other skills that schools teach.
The most important skill that anyone needs is something that is usually kept hidden, locked away by those who have mastered the skill and want to keep you from knowing it.
Although, if you can find them, there are some courses that do teach the insider secrets, but they usually charge $100's and even $1000's for the privilege.
Here's a hint on what I'm talking about. No matter what you want in life, where do you need to get it?
* - If you want money, you have to get it from someone else.
* - If you want love, you have to get it from someone else.
* - To purchase anything, you have to get it from someone else.
In short, anything you want has to be acquired from someone else.
So the most important skills you need to be a fully function human being is the ability to get what you want from other people. Persuasion.
This isn't manipulation. I hate manipulation as much as anyone. It's knowing how to communicate in a way so others understand the benefits of giving you what you want.
People who are poor persuaders usually go without. Without success. Without money. Without love. They survive on the scraps left behind.
People who are great persuaders get everything they want, because they know how to communicate in a way that others respond to.
Here's a quick example that shows how important this is for anyone.
Suppose that you have a friend who is facing a challenging situation and really need to take action quickly, but they are sitting back and not realizing the consequences that will result. You've seen others in the same situation and not take action, and what happened to them wasn't pretty. In fact, they lost everything because they didn't take action. You also know others who have taken action in similar situations and not only came out okay, but grew into much more powerful individuals as a result.
Now, how will you help your friend escape the consequences of not taking action? How will you persuade them that you know what the dangers are of not doing as you suggest? How will you persuade them to take their situation seriously?
Obviously, you're not trying to 'manipulate' your friend, but are interested in helping them. Yet, if you are not an effective enough persuader, they will continue to sit back and do nothing, and suffer because of it.
Let's say that your friend is facing foreclosure on their home. Not taking proper action will cost them all of the equity in that home, which could be many $1000's. Having good persuasion skills would be worth quite a bit in that situation, wouldn't it?
Consider the next time you go to the car dealership to purchase a vehicle. You know that the price you pay is dependent on how well you can negotiate with the salesman. Negotiation is simply another form of persuasion. Having good persuasion skills could easily save you $100's here.
Of course, if you have a business or are in sales or marketing at any level, having good persuasion skills means greater earning ability, and many people have doubled and tripled their income after learning the inner secrets of persuasion.
Where is the greatest need for Power in your life? For most people, it is in persuading others to go along with our ideas. Whether we are trying to sell a product or service to a prospect, trying to discipline our children, trying to convince our boss to give us a raise, or trying to seduce that beautiful stranger, a greater degree of Power will help us achieve our goals much easier.
In one respect or another, we are trying to sell someone on an idea in practically every situation of our lives. If we could improve our ability to control the situation, our effectiveness as a person would go up considerably, and we would be a more powerful person.
Logic will not always win, even when logic is on our side. I'm sure you've been in the situation where every deciding factor was in your favor, yet the other person still would not go along with your plan. Sometimes we take this as a rejection of ourselves, the other person simply did not like us. Sometimes we feel that trust was the issue to blame, or maybe the issue was fear of some sort or another.
The human mind is a very mysterious system. There are so many factors which govern a person's behavior, and so many variables which we are almost never aware of, that trying to predict exactly what will cause a person to accept our proposal is usually a guaranteed way to fail.
But we don't have to predict what a person will do. We only have to influence their decision so that they are more likely to do what we want them to do, and our success rate will be better than it was before. In any complex system, a small change can sometimes have dramatic results!
In our study of the mind, we find that the subconscious mind, that part which is outside of our conscious control, is very suggestible. What's more, the subconscious mind is also far more in control of our actions and behavior than our reasoning, conscious mind. For those of us who look for any and all means to achieve our goals, there is a hint of Power in this knowledge.
What if we could find a way to influence the subconscious mind of the person we are trying to win over to our point of view? If we could find a way to suggest to the other person's subconscious mind that they want what we are offering, and want it with a fierce desire, then our goal of persuading them will be much easier.
Advertisers have long studied the methods of influencing the subconscious mind. You have probably heard of the experiments with subliminal messages played in movie theaters. A whole industry grew up around the concept of subliminal messages to help a person change their behavior and their habits. While the results are generally disappointing to many who have tried the products offered, the disappointment was as much to do with the general nature of the suggestions buried in the material as it was due to any other factor.
Another industry has gained much popularity in the last several years. This industry has grown up around a new technology of understanding and manipulating the mind. This technology is called NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming). NLP teaches us that most people access different areas of the mind while performing some basic physical actions that you can identify. Using this information, you can tell if a person is remembering an actual event that took place or if they are making up a story to cover up what really happened.
NLP has also been used to help people establish rapport with others in an incredibly short period of time. Rapport is important for one key reason, unless you and the person you are trying to influence are in rapport with each other, there will be very little agreement. If the other person does not feel comfortable with you, and does not feel that you are 'like them', at least in general ways, that person will not feel good about accepting what you have to say and acting on that information. In short, you will not get what you want from that person.
Okay, so let's assume that you are somewhat familiar with the basic ideas of NLP. You know about mirroring the other person's body language. You know about speaking in their terms, whether visual, auditory, or kinesthetic. You even know about the eye movements and what they refer to. This is only the surface of the incredible amount of power that a full knowledge of NLP will give you.
Some of the more advanced techniques of NLP deal with what is known as pacing and leading. The central idea here is that if you say a number of things that are obviously true, such as we are in a room with 4 walls, that we are sitting at this table talking with each other, and that you are holding a glass of wine, then whatever you say next (which is not so obvious) will seem to be more true than if you did not include the obvious facts. Guys, if your girlfriend starts to think that you don't love her, here is your salvation. Simply say a string of obviously true statements right before you tell her you do love her. Repeat this a few times and she will start to believe you.
And this works (to one degree or another) with those you just met. You can use this if you are a salesperson trying to convince the prospect that your product is superior to your competition's product. You can use this to convince your boss that you are worth much more than the company is paying you. And you can use this to convince that hottie that spending an evening with you will be better than anything else he/she could be doing.
This one concept from the science of NLP is priceless! And there is much more. There is a whole segment in NLP on language patterns. There are some patterns which will help you discover exactly what someone means when they say something vague and mysterious. There are language patterns which contain hidden meanings which bypass the conscious mind and go straight to the subconscious mind (our focus for this article). And there are language patterns that can induce a hypnotic state without a formal induction ritual. Talk about an open door to the subconscious mind!
There is so much information, that a brief article such as this one could not cover it all. There are numerous books out on the market which explain many of the theories of NLP. And if you're good at translating theory into practical application, any of these books will give you greater power in dealing with other people.
Good luck in your persuasion activities!
Two topics that have attracted a lot of interest ever since I brought the Keys To Power online in 2003 are hypnotism and covert persuasion techniques.
The Keys To Power system itself uses hypnosis for personal conditioning, but doesn't really get into using hypnosis to influence others. With the Keys To Power, we generally influence the outcome of various situations (including the behavior of others) by directing Spiritual Power to create the experiences we want. However, this doesn't stop us from looking into other systems that may make our lives easier, and being able to persuade other people to our way of thinking definitely makes life easier.
I've been reading a lot lately about some of the deeper, more obscure aspects of hypnosis. This has been mostly to increase the effectiveness of the Keys To Power techniques and the hypnotic recordings I've been creating for our members here. However, the course of this study has put me square in the middle of the covert hypnosis topic, and I must say, it's extremely fascinating.
I've learned that my definition for hypnosis has been profoundly altered. Hypnosis is not always about putting someone into a trance state, but simply a process of communicating with the inner mind. This communication can be performed while the listener is in a completely normal, waking state of consciousness.
In fact, one of the most celebrated leaders in the hypnotic field (Milton Erickson - a name I recognized from earlier studies) used to practice psychological counseling using a radically different form of hypnosis in which the subject never knew they were being hypnotized. Erickson, and his radically different form of hypnosis, became one of the sources for what is now known as NLP, or Neuro-Linguistic Programming.
NLP is used by many different types of people. Psychologists, personal coaches (such as Anthony Robbins), business people, sales people, parents, and artist all use NLP to help them attain higher levels of personal excellence and to influence others to do the same. The simplest description of what NLP is would be "a system of modeling excellence and setting triggers for recreating that excellence on command". As you can imagine, this requires a very complex and involved collection of techniques and processes.
Covert hypnosis (or the more socially acceptable term, conversational hypnosis) is about using identifiable language patterns to create a desired response in the listener's inner mind. Once you know these techniques, it is relatively easy to talk to someone about practically anything and have it be a hypnotic process.
For example, you can talk to a casual acquaintance about your job at the factory and end up with that person practically begging you to take them out on a date! On the conscious level, you said nothing that would suggest that they should go out with you, but by the way you phrased things and how you said what you said, their inner mind not only received the implied suggestions, but responded by compelling them to act on those suggestions!
Imagine how much smoother your life will be with these techniques. No more confrontations. No more arguments. The people in your life doing what you want them to do, and not because you are commanding their obedience, but because they feel an inner desire to do these things.
The techniques that I've found are not difficult to use. They do take a little practice to perfect, but then again, anything worthwhile takes some practice to get right. Part of the process is simply getting into the right mindset. In classic sales training literature, the concept of the assumptive close comes the closest to the secret of conversational hypnosis. When you assume that the person you're talking to wants to follow your plan, you are much more likely to use the right phrasing in your speech.
For example, instead of saying "Do you think you might want to do this?", you're more likely to say "I'm really glad that you're going to be doing this." Instead of saying "Would you like to purchase this?", you're more likely to say "Would you like to pay cash, or would using your credit card be easier?" In both cases, the idea that the other person is going to follow through with your plans is assumed and included in the underlying meaning of what you said. In conversational hypnosis, the underlying meaning carries most of the suggestive power.
But this is only the tip of the iceberg. There are many more concepts that work together to create the irresistible power of conversational hypnosis.
Here are some resources for further study.
Introducing NLP: Psychological Skills for understanding and influencing people - by Joseph O'Connor & John Seymour. This is a fairly clear explanation of NLP which gives you a solid foundation for the topic. Doesn't address how to use the information to persuade others, but does talk about some of the basic concepts.
Unlimited Selling Power - by Donald J. Moine & Kenneth L. Lloyd. This book covers how to use conversational hypnosis (at least in broad, general terms) in a sales situation. Doesn't get into using language patterns to embed suggestive commands, but is a very good resource for getting the client thinking about your product in very positive terms.
http://www.CovertHypnosis.net - Kevin Hogan wrote a great book on the underlying psychological principles that govern covert hypnosis. Powerful stuff, but it falls down in the actual implementation of the principles. For only $50, I do recommend it to those needing a low-cost resource.
http://TheUltimatePersuasionFormula.com - Kent Sayre is recognized as one of the leading experts on persuasion, and his course is a good one, at $200. Well organized, but lacking in several key aspects.
http://www.power-persuasion.com - This website offers a few products, including a DVD set of videos from a seminar put on by NLP experts David Barron and Kent Sayre. The material is good, and you get a chance to see some examples in a live situation. Something that cannot be done in a book. Available products range from $225 to $395.
http://www.covert-persuasion.com - This site focuses on how to become a controller of others. It teaches how to play with language patterns to persuade others subconsciously, and also about how to manipulate psychic energy as a sort of 'double-whammy'. A $147 course that can be broken down into $24 modules.
http://www.sexualkey.com - This website focuses on using a few conversational hypnosis techniques for the purpose of seducing women. A $147 package that is professionally done, yet still focuses on only a few of the available techniques.
http://www.undergroundhypnosis.com - This website has a course on what they call 'black ops' hypnosis. The course includes 6 CDs, which makes it better than average, and at only $97.77, it's a fairly good buy.
http://www.KeysToPowerPersuasion.com - I would not be serving you well unless I included my own course in this list. After studying all of the above references and applying the techniques in my own life, I discovered that there was more to the science than what anyone else had written about. Whether they just didn't know the other things or had censored themselves from writing about them I don't know. What I do know is that the Keys To Power Persuasion course is the only course that is complete, concise, and well organized. Priced low, you won't go wrong by getting it.
Power Persuasion is about taking advantage of the natural ways in which people think and letting your prospect persuade themselves.
One of the secrets of power persuasion is that people don't always think everything through as thoroughly as they should. In many cases, we use "rules of thumb", which are called "judgmental heuristics" in psychology. These are usually reliable and will normally point us in the right direction with a minimum amount of investigation.
One of the judgmental heuristics that many people have is that women with blonde colored hair are 1) more fun, and 2) less intelligent. As with many judgmental heuristics, the truth doesn't always match with the rule.
Somewhere along the line, however, intelligent blondes found that the impression could be used effectively to their benefit, and they developed a persuasion technique that is quite impressive.
In order to maintain the illusion of ignorance, these gifted persuaders discovered that they could ask as many questions as it took to get their prospect to come up with the right answer. Then once the right answer was spoken by their prospect, they would simply say something along the lines of "Wow, you are so smart. I would have never thought of that."
Unfortunately for us mere mortals, this technique actually requires a lot of intelligence to pull off well. You really have to understand human psychology and logic in order to direct your questions to pull out the right answers from your prospect and not give yourself away.
Leading questions are a subject unto themselves, and I cover them in some depth in the Keys To Power Persuasion course. For now, understand that one of the easiest ways to lead your prospect through the use of questions is to suggest the answer within the question itself.
Here are a couple of examples:
"Of course, I know nothing about this, but what would happen if you turned those knobs? Is there one of those controls that might help in this situation?"
"All I know about cars is that you have to put gas in them once in a while. But I once heard someone talk about a gizmo called a 'differential' or some such. Is it possible that something like that could be the problem here?"
"You say that one of the things that slow down a computer is the connection between its memory and the processor, whatever that is. Would it be possible for someone to build them together, on the same chip or something? Would that make them go faster?"
There are 4 general rules to using questions to lead your prospect.
1. Ask each question in a way that is interesting to your prospect, so that they remain involved in the process.
2. Ask each question based on what your prospect already understands.
3. Ask each question to focus your prospect's mind in the intended direction, one step closer to the desired information.
4. Ask each question in a way that suggests the answer your prospect should give.
In cases where your prospect feels as though they are an expert in the subject under discussion, it can sometimes pay off handsomely to let them think that they know more about the subject than you do. Playing to a person's ego can oftentimes make them want to do more for you than upsetting their self-image of superiority.
Just ask any smart blonde.