At some point in our lives, we run into someone who seems hell-bent to do whatever they can to ruin our enjoyment of life.
Most of the time, we can simply ignore them for the short time they exist in our world.
But what if they are a co-worker, or someone who attends a regular event you don't want to give up?
Here's what I try to do in these situations.
The first step is to acknowledge that it's going to take some effort, and if you want something to change, you have to be the one to change it.
Crying and complaining isn't going to do any good.
The second step is to start with the basic assumption that every human being wants to feel good, and sometimes, they think that tearing others down will build themselves up.
In other words, they simply don't know any better.
Now, the next step is going to feel like more work than you may want to do, but it's critical.
Take time to get to know this person.
What is their homelife like?
What do they enjoy?
Who inspires them?
What are their dreams?
If they already had everything they ever wanted, how would they spend their time?
There's a quote from Abraham Lincoln who said, "I don't like that man. I must get to know him better."
When you create a stronger bond with someone through understanding them, they will usually feel that stronger connection, and respond in a more positive way.
In asking these and similar questions, make sure you aren't harsh in your asking, or it will feel like an interrogation.
Make sure they feel accepted and loved, as much as you are able to project those feelings.
In other words, be a friend who cares about them.
Many times, when a person is harsh and hateful, it's because they aren't getting the love and attention they need.
Now, I realize this may sound like wimpy, do-gooder wishful thinking.
That's because it's not quite as simple as it first appears.
There's more involved here, the most important of which is that you have to present yourself as a strong individual who is doing this by choice and not because it's the only thing you can do.
When a strong individual takes the time to reach out to you, it means a lot more than someone desperately trying to get you to like them.
To put it another way, you have to care, but not too much.
It's also important not to come off as a know-it-all or someone doing missionary work.
People want friends and partners. They don't really want to be saved.
When you can present ideas and suggestions as one friend talking to another, you'll get a lot better response.
There's an old saying that says that everything a person does is either an expression of love, or a cry for help.
When someone is hyper-critical of you, or blocks you from getting what you deserve, it's usually because they feel something lacking in their own life.
Taking a few minutes here and there to befriend these people will go a long way to smoothing the pathway for both of you.
This was the core message in a talk I gave recently, called "Channeling the Divine Mother".
If you haven't already seen it, check it out.
Not my normal style, but still well received by the audience.
Hope you like it.
Did you know that the relationships we have with others will be no better than the relationship we have with ourselves?
One of the reasons I always had short-term relationships until I met Linda was because, on some level, I didn't feel worthy of love.
And one of the main reasons THIS relationship has lasted so long (18 years and counting) is because I took time to work on my self-esteem first.
Some folks on the mailing list may know the story.
At that time, I was what you could call a "champion angry person".
I really KNEW how to do anger.
I was angry at just about everything.
And this was even AFTER learning about the power of the mind, and the importance of beliefs.
One day, I realized that if I was going to turn my life around, I had to take control of my emotions.
If I wanted love in my life, I had to do love, not anger.
The first few days were hard.
I'd sit and try to think loving thoughts, but then I would find something to be angry about, and that was the end of that session.
But I persisted.
Again and again I would sit down with the intention to shift my thinking away from anger and more towards love.
A few days of this, and it started to get easier.
A couple of weeks, and I was a changed man.
But here's the interesting part.
Not only did I FEEL better, but my luck improved as well.
Things started going my way more often.
People I didn't even know somehow appeared right when I needed their help.
And they took the time to actually help me.
That was new.
So, I continued to take time every day to sit and focus my mind on love.
Within a couple of months, I had fixed a number of problems in my life, and then I met Linda, who is now my wife.
Now, I have to admit that I haven't been completely consistent with this.
There have been times I thought I was "too busy" to take the time for this.
But then things wouldn't work out as well, and when I "found the time" to get back to the meditations on love, life was magical again.
Out of everything I've learned in my life, the thing that has made the most difference was the importance of going within and focusing on love.
If you do nothing else, this one thing will make your life much more enjoyable.
There's been a new trend with email marketers where they periodically send out emails using a cute "From:" name.
For instance, this weekend, I got an email from the Easter Bunny, and almost marked it as spam, but noticed that it came from someone I subscribed to his list.
Lily Jensen does this type of thing frequently, and I'm very close to unsubscribing because it's more work to filter out spam than it should be.
Okay, so what does this have to do with you?
I'm talking about the value of consistency.
When you do things the same way every time, people learn they can count on you, and that builds trust and fosters a healthy relationship.
Most business, and email marketing especially, is based on building strong relationships.
And of course, most of our social enjoyment comes from the relationships we have with others.
Now, I have to admit, I haven't always been as consistent as I could be. This lesson is as much for me as it is for anyone.
For a long time, I felt that being too consistent meant that you were boring, and I certainly didn't want to be boring.
I've learned that there are different degrees of consistency.
In other words, it's possible to be consistent, yet at the same time, not be boring.
Look at it this way, if every time you see a particular person, and that person always greets you with a smile, a handshake or hug, and asks about your day with a sincere tone in his/her voice, how would you feel?
You certainly wouldn't be bored with this person, would you?
In fact, you might even start to look forward to the time you get to spend with this person, right?
Because this person makes you feel special.
Okay, so how do you think YOUR relationships would be if you consistently treated the people around you in this way?
How many of them would start to look forward to spending time with you?
Here's an area where karma is easy to see.
The more love you give, the more love you get.
If you want to get more love, give more love.
Those who have invested in the Symbolic Solutions package have access to a couple of guided meditations that make it easy to love.
There's the Divine Love meditation originally from the Harmonic Prayer package, and now the Self-Worth / Love Fest meditation which uses various triggers to activate love in your deepest self.
Of course, you don't NEED these meditations.
You could simply sit back, relax as much as you can, and indulge in daydreams and fantasies that involve love on a deep and powerful level.
Just make sure to allow those daydreams to follow you out into the real world where you can express that love to other humans.
Until next time, be blessed, my friend.
Do you know what the #1 rule is for both life and business?
It's not always an easy rule to live by, but when you do it well, everything goes your way.
It's easy to remember what this rule is when you know that everyone's favorite radio station is:
What's In It For Me.
Human nature is such that most of us are more concerned with ourselves than we are with others.
In other words, if you want me to do something for you, you need to give me a reason for doing so.
On the flip side, if I want you to do something for me, I'm the one who has to give you a reason.
In business, this is most often seen as selling a product or service for an amount of money.
Hmmm. I must be an old-timer now.
I remember when new cars were around $5,000 and you could buy a decent house for $20,000!
Anyways. Back on topic.
In life, when you want to attract a romantic partner, you have to present yourself as someone they would want to spend time with.
I've been watching the series "Person of Interest" on Netflix.
In the episode I watched last night, a police detective was getting relationship advice, and the guy was telling him that he needed to dress better, smile more often, and relax if he wanted to get a date.
The detective's response was that all this "just wasn't his style".
Lucky for him, he gave it a try, and found that it was worth the effort.
When we change, our lives change.
In other words, our lives are a reflection of ourselves.
"Life is a mirror."
The core principle behind all effective manifestation techniques is that they change who we are as a person.
When you say affirmations, you're programming a new belief into your subconscious mind.
When you spend time visualizing your goals, you're giving yourself time to adapt to a new reality.
Every manifestation technique that works does so because it changes who you are on an inner level.
And after more than 30 years of searching for the best and most effective way to manifest anything, it comes down to one of the simplest.
Relax, imagine, and trust.
The more you relax, the more your inner resistance goes away.
The more detail you include in your imagination, the more your deeper mind adapts to a new reality.
And the more you trust the process, the quicker it works.
Last Friday, I added 3 new guided meditations to the Symbolic Solutions package.
One of the new meditations was intended to help folks increase their sense of self-worth.
It ended up being what I would call a "love fest".
Another of the new meditations is one that came out of January's workshop, and is specifically for expanding your consciousness, using a process I originally taught in the original Keys To Power course.
And the 3rd meditation is a slight variation on the original Wealth Identity program. This new one incorporates what I've learned about using pleasure to open up the subconscious.
Oh, and this leads to a little addendum to the #1 rule for life and business.
Give more than you're asking for, and you'll get much better results.
Yesterday, we discussed how well Disney has succeeded following basic relationship principles. To recap, the key idea is that the more fun you are to be around, the more people will choose to spend time with you, as a friend or a customer.
Dan Kennedy uses Disney as an example a lot. I've bought 10 of his books, subscribed to his $47/month newsletter for years, and I think I can summarize his core message in 3 words.
DON'T BE BORING!
It doesn't matter what you do. You could be a chef or an architect and this would still apply. Of course, if you're in a creative profession, such as graphic design, photography, or music, it's even more important.
Attention spans have shrunk to the point where most folks will only give you about 5 seconds to make an impression. If they don't immediately see a striking difference that matters to them, they're already passing you by to look for another choice. Okay, it might not be THAT bad, but you get the point.
Everyone feels like they're crunched for time.
If you're in business, you've got to make a positive impression quickly to make sales.
Even if you're not in business, few folks want to hang out with someone who's boring. They'd rather spend time listening to intriguing stories, insightful humor, or going on exciting adventures. If that's not you, it's time to try something new so you have something interesting to talk about.
Again, we covered this yesterday.
What I want to point out today, is that sometimes, it's more important to be different than it is to be better.
Okay, let's say you're a graphic designer or photographer. Everyone has a certain level of skill, and not everyone can be "the best". So what do you do?
If everyone seems to be designing pieces that have a certain look, create a new look, even if it doesn't look as good.
The fact that your work is different is enough of a reason for someone to take an extra 3 seconds and take a second look. If that person is bored with all the "normal" designs, they will be glad to have found something new and different. And that could lead to something BIG!
Ask Joel Grimes.
Joel is a photographer who decided to create a new and different look in his portraits. At first, no one liked his style. It went against everything they had been taught about how portraits "should" be done. But he stuck with it.
Eventually, an art director decided to try something different, and called Joel to do a portrait of a famous athlete. Pretty soon, another art director wanted Joel's style for a piece he was doing. Within a few years, Joel was the "go to guy" for sports portraits, because of the different--and harsh--look he created.
It got to the point where photographers everywhere were trying to get the "Joel Grimes look".
Joel succeeded because he was different.
Not necessarily better. Just different.
Terry says that if someone gets to your webpage and thinks they've heard what you're saying before, you've lost them. You want them to read your headline and immediately think, "This is new." Not 3 paragraphs into the page. Right in the headline.
Whatever you're offering, you want to present yourself, your products, your services, as a fun way to solve a problem or spend an afternoon.
Whatever you do, DON'T BE BORING!
My wife and I are planning a trip to Florida this month to visit her cousin, and we're sure to spend a day at one of the Disney theme parks.
Linda's cousin, Nancy, LOVES Disney. In fact, you could say she's HOOKED! Of course, she isn't the only one. Every year, more than 130 MILLION people visit DisneyWorld.
So, what brings so many people to a Disney theme park? Especially since their ticket prices are somewhat higher than the average.
Answering this question might help you understand how you could get more customers willing to pay what you're actually worth, right? It would also help you develop stronger relationships with friends, family, co-workers, and all the other important people in your life.
It really boils down to ONE thing. And this one thing is why no one at Disney has to write a 20-page sales letter to bring folks in. It's why they never have to rely on psychological "tricks" to get people to buy tickets.
This one thing is also why the "bad boys" often get the girl, even when the girl knows she's likely to get hurt or disappointed.
Without it, you'll have to do a LOT more work to reach your goals, whatever they may be. Not understanding this point is what kept me in lack and limitation for far too many years.
Are you ready to know that it is?
Okay, I'm just playing with you. 😉
What attracts so many MORE people to Disney theme parks than any of the others is because Disney theme parks are MORE FUN! They're a lot more than just a bunch of roller coasters, water slides, and food stands.
Disney parks have CHARACTER. And not just the mice, ducks, dogs, and other cartoon characters brought to life. An employee at a Disney park is referred to as a "cast member". Engineers who design new attractions are called "Imagineers". Park visitors are referred to as "guests".
Disney takes every step possible to weave a web of magic to make every guest's stay memorable.
When someone makes you feel good, and you enjoy being with them, you naturally want to spend more time with them.
The basic rule of relationships, right?
Now, flip this around. Is there someone you'd like to spend more time with? Are there potential customers you'd like to get into your business more often? The solution to both is simple.
Make it more fun for them to be there with you.
Now, it may take a while before they recognize that being with you is going to be more fun. Especially if their previous experience with you has been "less than ideal". The more history you have to overcome, the longer it's going to take to start over again.
Be patient. Be persistent. Be positive. Be pro-active.
Follow this one basic rule, and all of your relationships will grow into sources of joy.
And if they don't, move on. There's always someone who will appreciate the effort you put into making a relationship enjoyable for all involved.
Before I met my wife, Linda, I got frustrated at never having a solid relationship, and bought a book that radically changed my life. It's less than $15 on Amazon.
After reading this book, I decided that the relationships which had just ended wasn't worth the effort. But the book still helped me when I met Linda.
Because of what I learned in the book above, I was able to be more understanding when Linda told me that she wasn't ready for a relationship. It guided me to do the right things at the right time to keep her interested, keep her respect, and draw her closer and closer to me until she was finally ready to make the relationship permanent.
We've been together for 18 years, and we're still having fun together. BTW, our 11th anniversary is coming up Saturday.
Okay, time to wrap this up. The big lesson today is simple.
Make everything you do fun, and you'll draw more people to you in everything you do.
We all need a little help from time to time.
No matter how high a person rises in life, everyone needs a little help from time to time.
There's 2 ways to use this information.
First, don't be hard on yourself when you need help. Realize that it's okay to ask for help when you need it.
Also, if you want to get the attention of someone you admire, find a way you can help them.
It may be as simple as giving them a sympathetic ear while they vent about their frustrations.
Or it could be that your unique perspective helps them see an aspect of a situation they may have missed.
When you come to someone's aid, you add to the bank of "good karma" that will eventually come back to you multiplied.
Affirm: We all need a little help from time to time.
All people have something wonderful about them.
With some folks, you may have to look hard to find it, but if you keep looking, I promise you'll eventually find it.
Abraham Lincoln once said, "I don't like that man. I must get to know him better."
This has another benefit too.
The more you know about someone, the easier it is to persuade them to your way of thinking.
Affirm: People like me because I accept them without judgement.
People are generally reasonable and willing to help.
Every once in a while, I hear someone express a desire for news stations to report what's GOOD about the world instead of what's wrong with it.
On the surface, this sounds like a good idea, except when you realize the service that news stations provide.
News stations exist to report on the 1% of events that stand out from the normal course of life.
What a sad world it would be if people helping each other became the exception rather than the general rule.
I for one prefer to live in the world the way it is, where most people are willing to help each other out when asked.
If you need help, ask around. The odds are good that someone will come to your aid pretty soon.
Affirm: If I can't do a thing, I can find someone to help me.
People tend to respond to joy with joy, to kindness with kindness, and to respect with respect.
One of the easiest ways to make friends is to be friendly.
By the same token, one of the easiest ways to gain respect is to be respectful.
Sometimes we run into people who seem to have this backwards. They are like the old farmer waiting for a crop of corn before planting the seeds, or someone waiting for the wood stove to produce heat before giving it any wood.
If you want other people to respond in a particular way, give them something to respond to.
Affirm: People reflect my essence back to me.
If you had lived their life, you would probably do the same.
Whenever someone does something that completely baffles you, remember that they are most likely responding to an old memory, or group of memories, that are very different from the ones you have.
Timid people LEARNED to be timid. Bold risk takers LEARNED to be bold. Responsible people LEARNED the value of being responsible. And airheads never learned to be anything else.
One of the great things about Life is that there is so much wondrous variety.
Embrace it. Enjoy it. Allow others to enjoy YOUR variety.
Affirm: I enjoy the incredible variety of people I meet.
People do things for their own reasons.
One of the most effective ways to approach the task of persuading another person is to realize that they simply do not care a bit about what YOU want.
They only care about what THEY want.
If you want someone to do something, then you must show them how doing it will give them more of what they want.
And if you don't know what they want, take a few minutes and ask them. Most folks are all too eager for someone to listen to them, and will happily reveal the "hot buttons" you can push to get what you want from them.
Affirm: I can get what I want by helping others get what they want.
The holiday gift-giving season is once again upon us. Everywhere you look you see ads offering special deals and urging you to "Buy Now and Save!"
And while it's a great thing to show others how much they mean to you with a gift of some kind, how do you know when you're buying the RIGHT gift.
There are several reasons for wanting to buy gifts. For some folks, the reason is selfish, and the gift merely serves to demostrate the giver's wealth and/or good taste.
Other folks strive to find a gift that serves as a reminder of good times the two have shared.
Many others look for a gift the receiver will enjoy, and whether or not it serves any other purpose is irrelevant.
The gifts that stand out, however, and are remembered for years to come, serve a different purpose altogether.
These are the gifts which truly make a difference in the receiver's life.
When shopping for a gift that will make a difference, the main thing you want to keep in mind is that your gift should be helpful without calling attention to any problem the receiver may be having.
In other words, even if your friend is suffering from low self-esteem, a book on developing self-esteem may not be the best choice.
However, a book on "winning at the game of life" may be a hit, because it focuses on the desired positive result rather than the problem to be overcome.
Here are a few tips to help you come up with good ideas for life-changing gifts.
In general, a good rule of thumb is that most problems are caused by a limiting belief system, and anything that will help your friend believe that real change is possible will make a good gift.
For some people, receiving the gift of lottery tickets can be enough to help them believe that a more prosperous future is possible. For others, a book on how to start a business with a tiny investment could be the ideal gift.
Another rule of thumb is that information will make a bigger difference in most folks lives than anything else.
This is made more effective when there are specific step by step guidelines to follow, in a system which has been proven to work time and time again.
The reason for this is simple.
It's a lot easier to believe in a specific set of steps than in an "inspirational" message, even if that message is from a celebrity author.
And most folks will only take action on those things they believe will actually help them.
So if you find yourself looking at books, audio programs, and so on for gift ideas, make sure to select one which offers specific step by step guidance to achieve positive results.
While books and audio programs may not be the right gift for everyone, they are the most effective in making a difference in the lives of those who receive them.
For many people, the whole reason for reaching for unlimited success is to attract and maintain high-quality relationships.
As you might expect, the secret to successful relationships starts with the foundations we've been discussing these last few weeks.
A strong sense of self-esteem is essential.
So is having lots of self-confidence.
And when you're motivated and productive, you can easily set aside the time required to build and maintain happy, healthy relationships.
So in this week's article, we'll just assume that you already have those aspects of yourself under control.
If not, go back to those earlier articles and do what you can to bring them under control.
The first thing to understand about creating and maintaining harmonious relationships is that the other person always has a choice to give you what you want in the relationship, or not.
When you keep this in mind, it's easier to understand that it's up to YOU to give the other person a REASON to give you what you want in the relationship.
The types of reasons that have the greatest impact are not always obvious.
Recall how I mentioned that having strong self-esteem and self-confidence are essential to having great relationships?
Think of it this way — would you rather have a strong, independent person invite you to dinner once a month, or would you rather have some loser constantly degrading themselves to do things for you?
You become a more valuable partner in a relationship when you have strong self-esteem, self-sufficiency, confidence, motivation, productivity, and self-mastery.
And when you are a more valuable partner, other people are more willing to give you what you want in a relationship.
Of course, things like self-esteem, confidence, motivation and so on are just the beginning.
Beyond honoring the value of yourself and the other person, good relationships are built on having good times together.
And good times come from good communication skills, a sense of humor, a caring attitude, and in intimate relationships, well-developed sexual skills.
Of course, if you have significant financial resources, you have more choices available, Few people can take their friends on an excursion around the world, or buy their special someone a whole new wardrobe.
Keep in mind, though, that buying gifts is not a requirement to having happy and harmonious relationships.
For many people, having someone who actually listens to them and cares what they think is much more valuable.
And just to point out the obvious, this is true whether we're talking about the intimate relationship you have with your spouse, or your relationships with your coworkers.
Now, on to the "how to" part of this article.
First, use the information in the earlier articles to develop your self-esteem, self-sufficiency, confidence, motivation, productivity, and self-mastery.
Use the information I gave you on Harmonic Prayer to get Divine Guidance to lead you to do and say the right things to help make harmonious relationships "just happen".
Respect yourself, and respect those around you.
And in this, don't beat yourself up if you're not perfect at all this the first time around. Just do what you can, when you can, and work to improve yourself over time.
Invest some of your time, energy, and concentration to develop great relationships by paying attention to what people say, what they do, and consider what might be going on inside them, motivating them to say and do those things.
Consider that if you were in their position, having lived their life, that maybe you would do and say the same things.
Practice forgiveness and understanding as much as you can.
And above all else, show that you care.
If you recall from our earlier discussion on Harmonic Prayer, the more you express love in its many forms, the more you bring yourself into harmony with the Divine Essence of the Universe, and the more that things will go your way.
It really is amazing what can happen when you live life from a position of love and respect.